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31st Annual Lake Lucerne Bottle Rocket War

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January 24th through 30th, 2022

If it weren't for the seminal event of the season, last week would have been just be another week of Deep Winter. Low temperatures closed in on the -30°F mark and highs limped to just above 0°F, except for one day that recorded a high of 0°F. That makes last week the coldest of the year. It made fort building a titch more challenging. Early in the week plans were made and tools gathered. Fort building started on Wednesday with the center wall segment of the Southern rampart. Thursday started with the expansion of the lone wall. By sunset, the front and wind walls began to take shape. A special form was made a few years back to extend the wall height. Topping the front parapet has turned out to be an important addition. By Saturday afternoon, the southern citadel boasted anti-wind walls, a gathering area, and two gunnery antechambers Armament for the south consisted of 3 Krispa Class launchers and 1 mini breech loading tube divided asymmetrically between 2 stations. In a finishing touch, six red "Jewels of Frightfulness" garnished a gun emplacement and an observation window in a stunning yet ill-conceived attempt to intimidate and demoralize the North's army. The North chose a different path to protection. A few reluctant and exhausted conscripts were rounded up and tasked with the construction. The resulting hovel had no wind walls, one high wall and an unpleasant feel. By war time, in a shameful display of un-craftsmanship, it also incorporated a form bit into its hutment. Despite its squalor, it eventually was formidably armed with 2 Krispa Class launchers and a MAPP gas lighter. The war started on Saturday with a warning shot fired at 6:39 PM. Before the echo rebounded off the hills, the battle was fully and loudly joined. In about 45 minutes, over 3500 rockets were fired. Some shots went short, some went long, but most seemed right on target. By the end, the barrages of dozens of rockets were replaced by launches of two or three that were scrounged from the bottom of ammunition containers or the surrounding snow. The after party and armistice at the bar was filled with drinks, games, and glory. After a number of head and shoulder shots, the leaders of the North vowed more high walls next year. There were also ribs and bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers (Thanks, Grill Master Mark!) that are sure to go down as part of the Lake Lucerne Bottle Rocket Wars legend and lore. A gentle snow was falling on Sunday morning during the damage assessment and great stick pickup. The northern fort was scarred, but still standing. The southern fort was also not unscathed. Both forts had one or more polycarbonate windows to protect peekers from being bonkus-ed on the kronkus. They worked! Other, lesser events of last week included nice sunsets, Turkeys, Squirrels, And ice covered roads. Well, that was fun. Our ears are still ringing, and there's a few more sticks to pick, but nothing matches watching (through a polycarbonate window!) dozens of well aimed rockets pummel the walls of an opposing fort as their well aimed shots blow chunks of snow armor from the wall in front of you. It gets better and better every year with the exception of the whole being conscripted to build the North's shanty thing. Special thanks to two of Lucerne's best for the wartime pictures and extra special thanks for the post armistice pig-cicles and bacon wrapped stuff. With the bottle rocket war behind us, now is the time for Deep Winter to end. The third sub-season of Winter, Thaw, is becoming more and more appreciated with each sub-zero morning.<br><br><br>-Nemo: grumpy conscript, happy warrior.

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